Update: I wrote this as a reminder for myself and for others, that if you’re in a season where you feel that you’re trying to hard to hear, and not hearing clear direction it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have a direction for your life. It doesn’t mean that if you don’t know exactly what to do, you’re doing something incorrect. What it may mean is to stop trying to hard and sit and listen to what God is saying. In-between the literal lines is the original post, unedited, and outside are my thoughts since then. Enjoy!
Just because God is silent doesn't mean He has abandoned you. I heard that on a podcast recently. I honestly really needed to hear that. I have the type of personality that loves to know the 5 “w”s and the “h”. I want to know the answers and I want to know them now. However, life works the exact opposite. I don't know the answers to the "where do you wan to be in 5 years," "why are you not married," "well, where do you want to live." I just look at people and smile and then say something witty or try to be funny. When I'm asking those questions to myself it's usually while scrolling online and comparing myself to others. You start to feel like your falling behind on some sort of "suppose to be this way" time table.
Also, because we're comparative creatures always wanting to keep up with whoever the Jones' are at that time, we constantly feel behind. People who don't know their career paths feel behind those who know their 5 year plan. Those who know their 5 year plan feel behind those who are married or are working, and look like they have the perfect "work/life balance." Those who really do have a good work/life balance feel behind those who are already having kids. When you think about it, those who are the happiest are those who don't even have that comparison mindset. They realize that its so self defeating to compare. They seek out their calling and realize that it's going to be hard. You have to be content where you are but not complacent. That's so much easier to write than it is to put into practice.
I want to say so badly that I'm one of those people who is content but not complacent. Right now, that would be a lie to say that. I have been, I remember feeling that it's ok because Jesus knew what he was doing even if I didn't. I want to get back to that. That is still true today, even if I don't remember that it is. He knows where I'm going and He does't make mistakes. I do, when I try to answer questions for myself. "For I know the plans I have for you." That should be enough; that is enough to make me feel more calm. I don't know, but he does, and I trust Him.
Update: I thought about deleting this post for a while, but I want to keep it up because it shows a mind walking through what it means to compare ourselves. Sometimes moving is really standing still in that when you’re focused on what God wants of you and not so focused on what others care or think “moving” means different things. His ways are not our ways, and when we’re trying to follow what He wants us to do it means doing something directly against our flesh.
It could be moving when you want to stay, or being still when all we want to do is make a decision. God and I have always worked in trust. Because I am the way I described above about always wanting to know the “why” of all situations, He tends to leave me depending on Him because He knows if I fully know the “why” then I will start depending on my own wisdom, and that’s not the point.
Faith is a constant lesson we learn, and while it may look different between what your faith is being tested in and what mine is, it’s all for the same purpose. Jesus wants us to be more like him and help others be more like Him. At the end of the day that’s really all that matters. It isn’t “he who dies with the most toys wins”.
What “toys” do you have a hard time putting down? What can you do today to either move or stay still?