I am someone who has a lot of dreams. I want to travel, yet have a family. I want to explore and be independent, yet I also would love to have someone to share my life with. I believe in Jesus, yet lack faith as a consistent problem. I feel that I'm a cluster of confusion.
Society has told us that not knowing all the answers is fine and full of adventure. Yolo and live your life. Society has also told us that you need to have a 5 and 10 year plan with a 401k and that a woman has a biological clock already ticking in your mid 20s. To decifer though all the lies to find the truth is hard.
I recently had a moment at my job that made me question everything. It's amazing how one small act can make you question if you picked the correct path. It's those moments that also make you think you're a failure. That by making one decision it negates all the work you have put in and all the effort you spend trying to better yourself, and your team, to be the best you can be. I have never openly thought of myself as a perfectionist, but if I were honestly, I am.
I don't like it when I realize I made a mistake or made a decision that I fell could have been a better decision when I look back. Here's the truth though...I'm human and it happens, and it's going to happen again. Being a dreamer is something that I truly love about myself. My problem with dreaming is because I'm a perfectionist I sometimes take those moments where I slip and let them defeat me. Not openly, but when I get home I feel horrible and lose sleep over something I can't change. I feel a lack of faith and trust that God knows what He's doing and I feel forgotten.
Life is hard and has a real enemy. If you're in a valley remember, God knows and loves you. He has a plan and a purpose for you. If you're on a mountain top, don't forget there there is an enemy out there that seeks to kill and destroy. It's hard for a perfectionist to cope with something they believe they could have done better. I totally understand you, but don't let one decision define your or allow you to start to negate all the work and effort you put into a project or team or relationship. Life was never promised to be easy, but it was promised to be shared if you allow it!